Phew… I’m glad last nights sleep is over. Never been so glad to see daybreak. Nightmares were terrible (suppose that’s how they’re supposed to be). Only one type of animal on earth scares the hell out of me. Big cats. Tigers, lions, pumas, cheetahs.. the whole lot. But the scariest of all is a black panther. Yup… you guessed it, that was my nightmare. Stuck in a house with one of them.
I once read somewhere that you dream in black and white, but I swear to god this thing was not only the blackest of black but the inside of its mouth was blood red.
After a while running from room to room, I looked out of the window and the whole town was being ripped to pieces by wild animals. Not just big cats, but gorillas too.
The dream stopped being scary anymore just ridiculous.
Needless to say, the big black panther caught up with me in the end and I woke up as soon as I felt its claws rip into my back.
Now as a hormone ravaged teenager, I used to enjoy my dreams. Little excursions into sensual bliss with the girl from class 4G without the formalities of actually talking or getting to know each other. Problem was, just at the crucial point, just as soon as she was naked and I was eyeing her firm nakedness with eyes straining at their sockets, just at that precise moment…. My dad would wake me up…. I mean … what the hell was that all about? It happened every time…. How the hell did he know? Was he eavesdropping on my dreams? Had he developed a secret dream tracking device in those times he used to potter about in the garden shed? Was he silently waiting there at the top of the stairs muttering under his breath “aha… he’s having dirty dreams again… yup… she’s undressing… she’s naked… there he is with an erection that could cut diamonds…. Yup… time to wake him up”.
Some dreams are just plain annoying. You know like the one where you dream you have woken up and are getting ready for work. Then you wake up and realize that you are late. I hate that one. I once had a variation on that theme where I woke, up realized I was dreaming and was late. Rushing around to get ready I woke up again to realize I was dreaming and was later than I thought. This went on for another 4 or 5 times before I gave up and phoned in sick. Then I woke up to realize I hadn’t phoned in sick. Panic set in. At the crucial moment, I suddenly remembered I was unemployed and didn’t have a job to start with.
When I was a kid I was a bed wetter (I’ve grown out of it, honest). For all those of you who never suffered from this affliction it's real crappy (or pissy), I have to admit though, it was worse for my younger brother because we used to share a bed.
What happens is you dream you are going to the toilet. You see yourself actually peeing into the bowl. Then the sudden warm and wet feeling envelops you and you usually wake up.
Now, my dad, I’m sure, also had a bed wetting detector (I’m beginning to suspect he was a mad scientist… well he was half there anyway being mad and all) because he knew when it happened. Maybe dragging my soiled linen into the garden and setting it ablaze gave him some sort of clue.
My father was a practical man, he had an uncanny ability to analyze situations and he mused over the options of how to cure me of this curse. I’m sure he weighed up all the pros and cons of each approach and satisfied himself that the solution was to beat the living daylights out of me. It worked too. I didn’t sleep for three days.
I remember a while ago in the UK that a man was acquitted of killing his father because he was sleepwalking!! Here’s the bbc story.
In fact, I came across lots of cases after a brief search. The weirdest being this one and this one. Where was this information when I needed it?
Well, I’m off to take a little nap now. Anyone care to join me MUAHAHAHAHA
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