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© Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Now let me get this right, someone drugged him and while he was out cold, they decided to insert a lightbulb up his arse?
He actually expected people to believe him? My God.
How did they get it out? I have images in my head of the surgical team holding his naked body aloft and screwing the lightbulb into an empty ceiling socket. Once secure, they would pull down and hey presto... one cured patient and one brown lightbulb.
I suppose it could have been worse, it could have been a fluorescent tube.
This story got me curious (No.. before anyone starts... I wasnt contemplating any insertions of my own). I started to wonder whether this was common. After a brief search, I found a medical site dedicated to the phenomena of anal insertion of foreign objects.
To summarise, here is a list of items experienced by the doctor who wrote the artcle
Object and number Recovered
Glass or ceramic
Bottle or jar 32
Bottle with attached rope 1
Glass or cup 12
Light bulb 7
Tube 6
Food
Apple 1
Banana 2
Carrot 4
Cucumber 3
Onion 2
Parsnip 1
Plantain (with condom) 1
Potato 1
Salami 1
Turnip 1
Zucchini 2
Wooden
Ax handle 1
Stick or broom handle 10
Miscellaneous or unspecified 3
Sexual Device
Vibrator 23
Dildo 15
Kitchen device
Dull knife 1
Ice pick 1
Kife sharpener 1
Mortar pestle 2
Spatula (plastic) 1
Spoon 1
Tin cup1
Miscellaneous tools
Candle 1
Curling Iron 1
Flashlight 3
Iron rod 1
Pen 2
Rubber tube 1
Screwdriver 1
Toothbrush 1
Wire spring 1
Inflated device
Balloon 1
Balloon attached to cylinder 1
Condom 1
Ball
Baseball 2
Tennis ball 1
Pool cue ball 1
Miscellaneous containers
Baby powder can 1
Candle box 1
Shampoo Bottle 1
Snuff box 1
Miscellaneous
Bottle cap 1
Cattle horn 3
Chain (gold) 1
Frozen pig's tail 1
"Kangaroo tumor" * 1
Hair Mousse Cap 1
Plastic rod 1
Stone 2
Toothbrush holder 1
Toothbrush package 1
Whip handle 2
Collections (one case of each)
2 Glass tubes
72 1/2 Jeweler's saw
Oil can with potato stopper
Piece of wood, peanut
Umbrella handle and enema tubing
2 Glasses
Phosphorus match ends (homicide)
402 Stones
Toolbox **
2 Bars soap
Beer glass and preserving pot
Lemon and cold cream jar
2 Apples
Spectacles, suitcase key, tobacco pouch, and magazine
total of 14 collections, with approximately 500 objects
*unique case of pedunculated perianal skin tumor habitually
inserted into rectum
**a convict; contained saws and other items usable
in escape attempts
I could attempt to comment on each and everyone but the mere sight of the list is making my eyes water and my ringpiece squint.
I mean, how does this happen? They sit there watching TV and suddenly think "I wonder if this remote control will fit up my arse?" What are the mechanics of it? Do they do it alone? Sitting there arse in the air trying to stuff a well greased pair of spectacles up your rectum? What the hell is wrong with you people? Have you run out of storage space? Are you that bored? What is it?
I can't believe some of the things on that list. A magazine? For gods sake, how do you get a magazine up there? I couldnt imagine a rolled up post it note never mind an August issue of Vogue.

Lastly, I want to post an X-ray of some complete moron who, after inserting a dildo up his rusty sheriffs badge and getting it lodged tight, tried a home procedure of trying to retrieve it with a pair of tongs... yup ... you guessed it... they got stuck too.
Sometimes I regret not studying medicine. Doctors must see the weirdest things.
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