Not a very good idea

Someon directed me to this article on reuters....

This is the text if the link is broken

MULTAN, Pakistan (Reuters) - Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus. Wednesday night, doctors brought Mohammad's misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object."Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else," Mohammad, a grey-beared man in his mid-40s, told Reuters from a hospital bed in the southern central city of Multan. "We had to take it out intact," said Dr. Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. "Had it been broken inside, it would be a very very complicated situation." Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn't know the bulb was there."When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this," Mohammad said."I don't know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners."The doctor treating Mohammad said he'd never encountered anything like it before, and doubted the felon's story that someone had drugged him and inserted the bulb while he was comatose.
© Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved.

Now let me get this right, someone drugged him and while he was out cold, they decided to insert a lightbulb up his arse?

He actually expected people to believe him? My God.

How did they get it out? I have images in my head of the surgical team holding his naked body aloft and screwing the lightbulb into an empty ceiling socket. Once secure, they would pull down and hey presto... one cured patient and one brown lightbulb.

I suppose it could have been worse, it could have been a fluorescent tube.

This story got me curious (No.. before anyone starts... I wasnt contemplating any insertions of my own). I started to wonder whether this was common. After a brief search, I found a medical site dedicated to the phenomena of anal insertion of foreign objects.

To summarise, here is a list of items experienced by the doctor who wrote the artcle

Object and number Recovered

Glass or ceramic

Bottle or jar 32
Bottle with attached rope 1
Glass or cup 12
Light bulb 7
Tube 6

Food

Apple 1
Banana 2
Carrot 4
Cucumber 3
Onion 2
Parsnip 1
Plantain (with condom) 1
Potato 1
Salami 1
Turnip 1
Zucchini 2

Wooden

Ax handle 1
Stick or broom handle 10
Miscellaneous or unspecified 3


Sexual Device

Vibrator 23
Dildo 15


Kitchen device

Dull knife 1
Ice pick 1
Kife sharpener 1
Mortar pestle 2
Spatula (plastic) 1
Spoon 1
Tin cup1


Miscellaneous tools

Candle 1
Curling Iron 1
Flashlight 3
Iron rod 1
Pen 2
Rubber tube 1
Screwdriver 1
Toothbrush 1
Wire spring 1


Inflated device

Balloon 1
Balloon attached to cylinder 1
Condom 1


Ball

Baseball 2
Tennis ball 1
Pool cue ball 1


Miscellaneous containers

Baby powder can 1
Candle box 1
Shampoo Bottle 1
Snuff box 1


Miscellaneous

Bottle cap 1
Cattle horn 3
Chain (gold) 1
Frozen pig's tail 1
"Kangaroo tumor" * 1
Hair Mousse Cap 1
Plastic rod 1
Stone 2
Toothbrush holder 1
Toothbrush package 1
Whip handle 2


Collections (one case of each)

2 Glass tubes
72 1/2 Jeweler's saw
Oil can with potato stopper
Piece of wood, peanut
Umbrella handle and enema tubing
2 Glasses
Phosphorus match ends (homicide)
402 Stones
Toolbox **
2 Bars soap
Beer glass and preserving pot
Lemon and cold cream jar
2 Apples
Spectacles, suitcase key, tobacco pouch, and magazine
total of 14 collections, with approximately 500 objects

*unique case of pedunculated perianal skin tumor habitually
inserted into rectum
**a convict; contained saws and other items usable
in escape attempts


I could attempt to comment on each and everyone but the mere sight of the list is making my eyes water and my ringpiece squint.

I mean, how does this happen? They sit there watching TV and suddenly think "I wonder if this remote control will fit up my arse?" What are the mechanics of it? Do they do it alone? Sitting there arse in the air trying to stuff a well greased pair of spectacles up your rectum? What the hell is wrong with you people? Have you run out of storage space? Are you that bored? What is it?

I can't believe some of the things on that list. A magazine? For gods sake, how do you get a magazine up there? I couldnt imagine a rolled up post it note never mind an August issue of Vogue.


Lastly, I want to post an X-ray of some complete moron who, after inserting a dildo up his rusty sheriffs badge and getting it lodged tight, tried a home procedure of trying to retrieve it with a pair of tongs... yup ... you guessed it... they got stuck too.

Sometimes I regret not studying medicine. Doctors must see the weirdest things.

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