I used to post on a forum caleed QatarLiving (QL). Now, alot of posters on QL were very adept at using 20 words when two would have been just as effective (We recently had a "happening" on the website QatarLiving (QL). So we all went off and started another forum... but thats another story). Anyway, to help you lot out there in internet land who may feel a tad uncomfortable conversing with people who suffer from verbal diaorreah i have taken it upon myself to offer a wonderful nine step plan for making you look so much more intelligent.
Not only will this method make you look infinitely more clever than you could ever be. Men will prostate themselves before your greatness and women will clamber over each other to be impregnated by your superior DNA.
To show how easily you can apply these steps, I'll start with the following ludicrously short and simple sentence, related to blogging, and increase its verbiage step by step.
Blogging is fun.
Step 1: Begin to lengthen your statement by referring to studies, even if you're not aware of any studies. After all, who really cares? And if anyone challenges you, you can protect yourself by weaseling (see Step 5).
Studies have shown that blogging is fun.
Step 2: Replace simple words like fun, and blogging with multiple syllable words. If possible, use words of Latin or Greek origin.
Studies have shown that participating in electronic world wide web logs is entertaining.
Step 3: Use sophisticated verbs, the vaguer the better. The verb shown is much too clear and simple, whereas indicate, develop, and identify are excellent multi-purpose verbs with so many meanings that you can use them in almost any context to mean almost anything. What precisely does indicate mean, anyway? If you use identify or indicate, you can further lengthen your sentence by attaching "the fact that" to it.
Studies have identified the fact that participating in electronic world wide web logs is entertaining.
Step 4: Rely on such adjectives as available, applicable, and appropriate to lengthen sentences without changing or adding any meaning. If possible, use various, one of the most meaningless of all the meaningless modifiers.
Various available and applicable studies have identified the fact that appropriate participation in electronic world wide web logs is entertaining.
Step 5: Use weasel words as often as possible. A number of is particularly useful because it can refer to any number at all: -9, 4.78, 0, 5 billion, you name it. (For more effective weaseling, replace wills and woulds with cans and coulds.).
A number of various available and applicable studies have generally identified the fact that appropriate participation in electronic world wide web logs could be entertaining.
Step 6: Sprinkle your sentences with classic redundancies.
A number of various available and applicable studies have generally identified the fact that appropriate participation in electronic internet based world wide web logs could be quite entertaining.
Step 7: Add meaningless "it is" and "there is/are" expressions, not only to lengthen your sentences but also to give them a scholarly ring.
There is no escaping the fact that it is considered very important to note that a number of various available and applicable studies have generally identified the fact that appropriate participation in electronic internet world wide web logs could be quite entertaining.
Step 8: For the precision that all good writing deserves, use legalisms, the more redundant the better.
There is no escaping the fact that it is considered very important to note that a number of various available and applicable studies have generally identified the fact that appropriate participation in electronic internet world wide web logs could be quite entertaining, including, but not limited to, creation and maintenance of, and contribution to.
Step 9: Use foreign words and phrases to lengthen and enliven your sentences. Especially apt are Latinisms and other obscurities whose meanings have long been forgotten.
There is no escaping the fact that it is considered very important to note that a number of various available and applicable studies, ipso facto, have generally identified the fact that appropriate participation in electronic internet world wide web logs could be quite entertaining, including, but not limited to, creation and maintenance of, and contribution to vis-à-vis this phenomena.
So there you have it. Following these nine steps, I've managed in no time to increase the number of words in my sentence nearly twenty fold, well above the level of incomprehensibility. The meaning hasn't changed but it's so deeply buried it's like digging for a marble in a cows arse.
So, my darlings, I wish to draw appropriate attention to the fact that i strongly advise all readers to address, to the utmost of their availability, the requirements of all the applicable internet based electronic world wide web logs and to actively participate with numerous and various contributions to this widely accepted, and rapidly growing community.
Or in other words, Get blogging!!!
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