Apparently, a man climbed into the tiger enclosure at Copenhagen Zoo if you are to believe this Daily Mail (DM) article.
Now, it’s a bit of a shit story I know. But this is the staple of this thoroughly absorbent alternative for toilet paper.
“Why do you read it then Giasi?” I hear you scoff with your oh so innocent yet scornful looks. Well my little tabloid nipple seekers, it’s for the comments. Whenever I feel a little down (yes, it also happens to me sometimes even though I am as handsome as they come, hung like a baboon and richer than someone with a lot of money) I like to entertain myself with the garbage that your regular DM reader comes out with.
Below is just a selection of comments for this story.
Please bear in mind that the story has already come to the conclusion that this was a suicide.
Commenter’s names have been deleted to protect the guilty.
"This sort of thing is bound to happen when you keep predators in captivity. "
WTF? This comment is so inane that I am stunned into silence. Which is shameful for a loudmouth such as myself.
"When people are so low that they even begin to consider suicide, they are in a very dark place and if they really wish to die, they will do ANYTHING to end their life. (Unlike those who take a handful of paracetamol and then call an ambulance themselves). This person chose to enter the enclosure. Anyone of sound mind would not do this as we all know how beautiful yet deadly these animals can be. Nobody is to blame. If you expect a zoo to have 24 hour security, just in case a suicidal person breaks into the zoo. That is a ridiculous suggestion. For example, a shop selling rope, should they have 24 hour security in the slim chance that a person with suicidal intent decides to break in and hang themselves! I don't think that is very realistic! What a tragic end to a life but it is not the zoo or animals fault. Just such a shame this poor person felt this was their only option. "
Mmmmmnnnn! Sounds like you’ve been there my friend. Particularly liked the rope analogy. Bollocks of the first order.
"These big cats have tasted human flesh now. They should be destroyed as a precaution"
As a precaution? What do you think is going to happen? I can imagine the tigers having this conversation:
To aid my readers in imagining this scenario, I have chosen the names Derek and Francois.
Derek: My God Francois, I never thought humans tasted so damned good. No wonder they have so much oral sex.
Francois: I know. If I don’t have some more soon, I’ll just die (feigns swooning while holding paw to brow).
Derek: I think we need to hatch some devilishly cunning escape plan.
Francois: Does it involve ball licking?
Derek: No!
Francois: Maybe I could sniff your arse.
Derek: Francois? For god’s sake, focus!
Francois: Sorry Derek
Derek: I will fashion a key from some bone and we can slip out at night. I still have the clothes from that bugger we ate. I think I can probably make two pairs of shorts out of them.
Francois: Great! You go find a bone; I’ll start licking my balls.
"Those Tigers are so beautiful. Love them. "
I think you missed the point of the story somewhat. Here, take this handful of tablets
"All credit to him - it's gotta be a better way to go than slowly passing your final days in a hospital bed (for example)!"
What? How is this even comparable? Because you end up dead in the end?
Were all committing suicide by that standard. Some of us are just doing it very very slowly.
"i can think of better, less painful ways to go.. but hey, his death, his choice"
Better as in how? But Hey! So nonchalantly euthanasic of you at the end…dude.
"Zoo official says 'If a person really wants to get in there, we cannot prevent it from happening.' --- ---This sounds like a cop out, does the zoo have no security ? ---- Next thing we will hear is "If a person wants to let the tigers out, we cannot prevent it from happening" "
Yea. “If the monkeys decide to build a tunneling machine and rob the local bank and then jet off to Borneo for some hot monkey loving, we can’t stop it”
Right. Off the pills you complete and utter waste of precious food and water!
"So basically no-one knows what happened. And was he 'eaten alive' as you put it DM or just bitten? Beautiful big cats though."
Pedantics. Gotta love them. Bitten or eaten alive? Come on DM damn you to hell, tell us, it’s important you fuckers. Oh, and by the way beautiful big cats.
It’s like arguing with the girl at the checkout at Tesco and then exclaiming “By the way. Nice tits luv”
"That was a silly thing to do."
Yes it was. Silly billy. Now look what you’ve done. Gone and got your throat ripped out. Run and get a plaster, then I’ll kiss it better.
Update: There’s over 70 comments so far on the story. I don’t have enough Prozac to read them all.
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